Thursday, January 24, 2008

My Accident In The Bathroom

A funny thing happened to me at work yesterday morning.

I had just finished taking a leak and was about to wash my hands. On the sink we have a squirt bottle of anti-bacterial soap. I turned on the taps, put my left hand under the soap nozzle and pushed down on the pump.

Usually the soap just squirts into my hand, but not today! Today the soap shot straight out at Mach 2 and hit me square in the crotch.

That's just great! You couldn't possibly do it any better if you were trying. So there I was looking at a good tablespoon of creamy, white soap right in the middle of my crotch. I don't think I have to tell you what it resembled.

My first reaction was panic. I quickly grabbed some paper towels and started to rub the spot vigorously. I'm so glad nobody decided to walk in at that moment. There's me going to town on my wet crotch with a hand full of paper towels in the bathroom. Good luck explaining that one!

I managed to get myself cleaned it up pretty good. There was still a wet spot there but at least it wasn't a creamy, white wet spot any more. Then I started laughing. This is something you would expect to see on a hidden camera show or something. I even glanced up at the corners to make sure there wasn't a camera there.

Just in case anybody noticed and thought I didn't quite make it to the bathroom or something, I made a point of relaying the story to one of my co-workers. He thought it was hilarious and made the mandatory jokes regarding what exactly I had been doing in there.

My only remaining fear was that it would dry into a crusty white powder on my dark pants. I could hear the taunts already.

"Hey CanadaDad! Looks like you got some on ya! Ha Ha Ha!"


"Ummm, what you do at home is none of our business but that kind of thing is not acceptable at the office!"

Or maybe something a little less subtle.

"Hey Jizzy pants? Were you just spanking the monkey?"

The only way I could think of to back up my story was to have people smell my crotch, however this would likely only make matters worse.

Luckily it was totally unnoticeable when it was dry.

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