Worst Tooth Fairy Ever

I don't know about the Tooth Fairy these day. I've noticed, around our house anyway, that the Tooth Fairy seems to be getting pretty sloppy at her job since my baby tooth days.

When I was a kid the tooth fairy made it on time for every tooth I ever lost. It seems now that the Tooth Fairy has become a hit or miss type of Sprite. We've had instances where the Tooth Fairy hasn't shown up until 2 or 3 days after the tooth fell out.

The last time Number One lost a tooth it was a good three days before the Tooth Fairy made with the cash and when she did it was scattered all over Number One's bed in such a way that we almost didn't find it.

Last night Number Two had a tooth fall out. Maybe 'fall out' isn't the right word, I should have said 'ripped out'. Last night Number Two had a tooth ripped out. She was innocently biting Number One's coat sleeve when Number One yanked her arm away pulling both the coat sleeve and the not-overly-loose tooth out of Number Two's mouth. Of course they were standing in our gravel driveway at the time.

Me and Jules were inside the house when this happened. We heard Number Two coming in saying that Number One pulled her tooth out. All I was thinking at this point was, "Please, let it be a baby tooth! Please, let it be a baby tooth!" Much to my relief it was in fact a baby tooth. Anyway after getting all the facts I headed outside to try and find the lost tooth. After spending 10 minutes looking and realizing that every pebble in the driveway looked just like a tooth I gave up.

Number Two was very upset that the Tooth Fairy might not come because the tooth was lost. I told her not to worry and that the Tooth Fairy would still come and leave her some money.

Well wouldn't you know it that damned Tooth Fairy didn't show up!! I swear if I ever get my hands on that bitch, she'll be sorry!

So this morning there was poor little Number Two sitting on the couch all sad because the Tooth Fairy didn't come. I told Number Two about when I lost my first tooth. It fell out at school during recess and landed in a snow bank to be lost forever. My Mom had me write a note to the Tooth Fairy and, sure enough, the next morning I had a shiny quarter under my pillow. I told her that she should probably write a note to the Tooth Fairy that explained how she'd lost her tooth and that would likely work. So off she went to get her note ready and put it under her pillow, full of expectations for tonight.

So, if you happen to be the Tooth Fairy stumbling upon this blog, here is a little message for you: If there isn't any money under that pillow tomorrow morning there is going to be hell to pay. I've got lots of kids and lots of baby teeth on the way. You wouldn't want to reach under the pillow and find a rat trap or something worse now would you?