Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I Hate Tim Hortons!!

For anyone who doesn't live in Canada, Tim Horton's is a coffee/donut chain and for some reason people here go crazy for their shit. It's almost as if people here think that the coffee is especially Canadian.

Why do I hate Tim's? Is it the product? No, I don't think the coffee there is any worse than any other coffee shop. Is it the service? Not really, although I think it is totally idiotic not to accept debit cards.

The reason I hate Tim Hortons is because of all the losers who think that Tim's is the end all, be all of coffee. You know the type, the ones who refer to their coffee as 'My Timmies' as in "I had to wait in line for 2 hours this morning to get my Timmies". These are the same "Double-double" or "Triple-triple" ordering assholes who seem to get off on knowing the secret Tim's lingo.

What I really don't understand is what makes normally intelligent people sit behind 30 other cars in a drive-thru every fucking morning to get a cup of regular run of the mill coffee. Does it taste better when you say double-double as opposed to 2 creams, 2 sugars? I'd wager that these are the same people who get irrate when they have to wait 5 minutes to get in to see the doctor.

Usually, just before 9am, you can see people driving like a bat out of hell, trying to get their coffee and still make it to work on time. They cut people off, speed, run yellow lights, whatever it takes to beat at least one other person to the drive thru (and does it really make that much difference if you are 25th in line or 26th in line?). These people have just risked their lives and the lives of others for what? To basically shave 20 seconds off of the amount of time they need to wait in line. Yippee!! Now it's only going to take 23 minutes!! These people fully realize that the line up is long enough that they will never make it to work on time. So what do they do? They fucking wait!! It seems like it has become acceptable to arrive late for work in the morning so long as it was due to a long line up at Tim Hortons. From now on I'm keeping an empty Tim Hortons cup on me just in case I'm ever late. Work will say, "Hey CanadaDad, you're half an hour late today. What's up with that?" I'll hold up my Tim's cup and all will be forgiven.

When I first noticed the strange behavior of Tim Horton patrons I chalked it all up to local hicks getting overly excited about a new business in town, as is the norm in Brandon. As time went by and the behavior got worse I realized that it wasn't just the novelty of a new business. I then started to think that it must be a local thing, only in Brandon could people get this excited about coffee. I was becoming embarrassed that I lived in a community full of sheep that could get that worked up over a cup of joe. Then I realized that this isn't local at all. It seems that all over the country people are becoming totally irrational about Tim Hortons coffee.

What is it that makes these otherwise normal people act in such an irrational way? Drugs in the coffee? Not likely but it would definitely explain a lot.

Are these people so desperate to belong to something (ANYTHING) that they feel if they drink enough Tims coffee that they will be part of some group/clique?

Maybe they think that Tim Hortons is somehow related to being a true Canadian. Maybe they think that by supporting Tim Hortons that they are being patriotic Canadians or showing that they are proud to be Canadian. As stupid as it sounds I really think that this is the reason. That is what a person would think from watching the commercials on Hockey Night in Canada. The sad part is that Tim Hortons is owned by Wendy's, an American company so really it supports Canada about as much as buying a Biggie Fries and Shake. If you want to support Canadian business take a walk down to one of your locally owned coffee shops, you'll likely get faster and friendlier service as well as a better product.

If you need proof that Tim Hortons is making the population of Canada stupider check out This Link. This truly makes me sick.

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