Tuesday, January 02, 2007

My Final Vice

I'm a chronic pot smoker.

Yup, I can't get enough of the herb. I started smoking it in high scool, right about the time I started to get into the whole skateboarding culture, and I have been going at it since. For those keeping track, we're talking about 17 years on the leaf.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, in my glory days I was all about partying. Drinking, smoking and drugs were my bread and butter.

Since those days all of these activities have dropped by the wayside. I quit all the non-weed drugs in 1995. This was easy to do since the only other drugs I messed around with were LSD and mushrooms (I have yet to meet an acid or mushroom addict). When Number One was born it pretty much put an end to the drinking. This was also surprisingly easy to do considering I'd been drinking heavily and regularly for several years leading up to to the time I quit. In 1999 I quit smoking. This was, by far, the hardest thing I've quit. Actually the hardest part was making the decision to REALLY quit. I had tried to quit smoking several times before and I always failed because in the back of my mind I didn't want to quit. Once I became determined to actually stop smoking, the quitting was fairly easy.

This leaves me with my sole remaining vice - sweet, sweet marijuana. My inner retreat, my stress reducer, my calming ocean, my good friend.

Like many friendships the time has come where we must part our ways.

The guilt I have over smoking pot has become so unbearable that the enjoyment has been lost. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel guilty about smoking pot! I feel guilty about buying pot. And that wouldn't even be such a bad thing either. If I could afford it. I can no longer stand by and waste the kind of money I do on smoking weed when I have three kids who need clothes and food and a decent roof over their heads.

Let's take a quick look at the numbers shall we. Lately, I have been literally burning through at least a quarter-ounce of weed a week. It isn't uncommon to need another eighth during the same week. That means $80-$120 a week!! That is $240-$480 a month!! That is so wrong!! Can you imagine how fabulous my family would look if we spent $80-$120 a week on clothing instead!? (I had to type that last sentence extra fast because it almost makes me sick thinking about it).

I have made it my resolution this year to stop being such a selfish prick and put that money back where it belongs. With the family.

Today the fun begins. The quitting.

When I quit all my other vices I always used weed as an aid. It was especially helpful when quitting smoking. When cravings hit hard I could always spark up a doobie for relief. What now?

Luckily for me marijuana is not an addictive drug (just look it up on any pot related website). Weed may not be addictive but I have to tell you it is habit forming as a mother fucker. I get agitated and irritable when I don't get my greens.

The real struggle is going to be in keeping myself on an even keel for the next couple of weeks. I need to be calm, I need to deep breathe and I need to relax. The irritablility and bitterness won't last forever. I will go back to normal. I need to remember that I was a happy, humorous and fun-loving person before I started smoking up and I will be happy, humorous and fun-loving again.

My confidence is at an all time low but my desire is at an all time high. Let's all keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.

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