Reflections at Day Two

Well yesterday wasn't as bad as Tuesday.

I didn't sweat nearly as much last night and I only had a little difficulty getting to sleep. Again it was a pretty fractured sleep with lots of waking up during the night.

I have no appetite whatsoever as I still have a lot of nausea. It seems to come and go.

The worst time I have is between the time I get home from work and the time I got to sleep. Usually I am stoned for this stretch of the day everyday.

Here is what an average day of smoking was like for me:

Weekdays: I wake up for work at 6:30am and get ready. Getting ready consists of the usual things. Going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and hair a taking a number of bong hits. Now I'm ready for the walk to work. I then work until 5:00pm. The first thing I do when I get home is head to the bathroom and hit the bong. I then go about my normal business, cleaning up, hanging out with the kids and making supper. After supper? You guessed it, more weed. Then business as usual until the kids go to bed. Then I smoke a bit more. Do a final clean up and any laundry or dishes. Sometimes I do a workout. Once everything is done is sit down and relax with a bit of green and go to bed.

Weekends: On the weekend I clean. The first thing I do is get up and get the kids some breakfast and put on a pot of coffee. While the coffee brews I go upstairs and get high. I usually spend the rest of the day doing chores and such while constantly rewarding myself with weed throughout the day. In the evenings I watch TV/DVD's and smoke dope. Then I go to bed.

For the last couple of days the worst times were the times when I was normally high. So first thing in the morning before I go to work I feel the shits. Once I'm at work it isn't as bad because I don't smoke dope at work so there is nothing different about the work routine. The hardest, by far, is the after work period. This is the time where all I think about is weed. It's almost like an obsession. I've been doing cleaning like usual to try and keep my mind off of it but it doesn't really work very well. At dinner time I sit and stare at my plate and occassionally eat a forkful because the last thing I feel like doing is eating. In fact the last thing I feel like doing is anything. I have no motivation to do anything. I just want the time to pass so I can go to bed and get one day closer to feeling like a normal person.

I had a revelation yesterday. I know that I've been smoking weed since high school, hell I said it in my earlier post, but it never hit home to me until yesterday that this simple fact means that I have been stoned for my entire adult life. Wow!