Monday, March 05, 2007

David Caruso: The New William Shatner!

Oh My God David Caruso Sucks!!

There are many things that I don't like about CSI Miami. For instance why is Calleigh, a ballistics expert, pulling over and arresting people in a HUMMER when there are already half a dozen cops chasing the suspect?

And why is a guy who is suffering from mild brain damage due to a bullet in the head still on active duty?

And what kind of dress code do the police in Miami have. How come the female cops around here don't work in slutty evening-wear with all sorts of cleavage flopping around.

All of these things make this show ridiculous enough but the jewel in the crown has got to be David Caruso as Horatio, better know as "H".

H is like a mixture of Spock and The Fonz. I'll bet that Caruso has calluses on the sides of his head from the constant rubbing of his sunglasses. How many times in an episode does he put on his sunglasses for effect before ripping off one of his trademarked Horatio one-liners (for that matter, how many times does he take the sunglasses off for the same effect)?

Ex: "(spoken slowly)Judging by this gunshot residue I'd say that our suspect is likely a left handed male from Alabama with a grudge against the government. In high school he was likely bullied by the girls in the math squad and his last name probably starts with the letter "F". Why don't you guys check the FBI database for Alabama math squad victims with last names starting with "F" and I'll defuse this bomb and then rescue a dozen illegal aliens being used as drug mules from a container at the Port Authority. " -insert lame one-liner here as Horatio puts on his shades.

Have you ever seen Horatio standing up facing the camera? He is always standing sideways or squatting down or at best his body faces the camera but his head is facing to one side. What's with that?

Horatio has about as much character depth as a pancake. I think the writers want Horatio to be this ultra cool guy but the problem is that Caruso just looks like a dork dressed up like a cool guy. His lines aren't all that terrible but the delivery sucks. I can just picture the poor writers sitting there watching the newly taped episode and cringing as Caruso destroys a perfectly good line of dialog. He must have locked into a really long contract or something. It's the only reason I can think of for why he has remained on the show as long as he has.


The Complaints Depot said...

Agreed....."In Miami we never close" (H puts on sun glasses now)

Anonymous said...

Hogwash. Love the show. No doubt the roles of CSI aren't accurate and bleed over into the cops roles, but this is a TV SHOW. Hello???

I like David Caruso's portrayal of Horatio Caine, but I think some of the one-liners written for him are bad.

Anonymous said...

Caruso can't act his way out of a paper bag he is a complete ASSHAT