Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Caution! Wet Paint!

Last year I wrote a couple of blogs about our Office Shit Bandit. I thought I had problems THEN.

Since that time we moved to a new location and I am now facing life with 2 Office Shit Bandits. Only they aren't really bandits. There is nothing sneaky about these guys. Not only are they proud of their reek, they revel in it.

One guy only craps it up occasionally, but the other guy, Multi-Shitter, craps at least once a day, and most days twice! It's so bad! Sometimes I'd walk in to take a leak and the smell would hit me like a punch in the face. Sometimes it made me gag! This kind of reaction would only result in uproarious laughter from the offender. Sometimes this would happen to me 3 times in one day. I think Multi-Shitter gets some sort of satisfaction from being paid to shit. "Hi honey. How was your day?" "Not bad, I made $15 for shitting!". That's like getting paid $75/wk for shitting!

It got to a point where it became a stressful event for me whenever I had to go to the bathroom. As I open the door I could feel my pulse speed up slightly and I'm pretty sure it was accompanied by a small surge of adrenalin. I'd test the air with a small sniff. If all was well my pulse would return to normal and I could go about my business. If not I had to make a quick decision. Switch to mouth-breathing and pee quickly or leave and come back later. The problem is, with so much shitting going on, when I went back later I was just as likely to be facing the same scenario! Nothing is worse than a "Triple-Shit-Smelling" day. It got to a point where we had to develop a policy for dealing with the shitty bathroom.

A couple of weeks ago we finally came up with an alert system. When someone befouls the bathroom they put up a wet paint sign. That sign is like a flashing danger sign. Now, it's not uncommon to hear someone casually ask, "Is the paint still wet?" as they head to the bathroom. When I see that sign I don't even open the door, I head straight for the women's bathroom.

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