Thursday, May 24, 2007

How to Assemble a Bunk Bed

Last night we bought a bunk bed for #2 and #3. We'd been looking at getting one for over a year so it was a very exciting and much anticipated event for everyone (everyone except #1 that is. There was nothing in it for her so she didn't give a red, rats ass) . Since we had so much trouble setting it up I thought I'd post the steps we followed.

Our particular model of bunk bed is a metal frame single on top of a double. There are 6 parts to the frame. Two sides, two guard rails for the top, a single frame and a double frame.

Step One: Move the Parts to the Bedroom

The first thing I had to do was get the parts moved upstairs. First I took up the double mattress. Next I carried up the sides. Then I took up the top rails. After this I took the single frame up. This turned out to be a fairly difficult procedure. I had to twist and turn the frame just right to get it around the corner and up the stairs, but I got it.

All that was left now was the double frame. But wait a second this one was the same length as the single but almost twice the width. If the single was tough to get upstairs the double could potentially be a real bear. Oh, well I was sure it would fit with some careful maneuvering.

I picked up the frame and, for the life of me, I could not get it around the corner and over the handrail. It would wedge into the corner at the bottom of the stairs and was not even close to getting through all the way. No big deal, I'm sure that if I move the deacon bench on the landing I'll have enough room. I moved the bench and tried again. Nope. This could be trouble.

I sized up the frame and had a great idea. I could take the windows out of my bedroom and hoist it up with a rope and bring it in that way. What a genius I am! I went upstairs and proceeded to remove the windows. This only took a minute to do. Super easy! I took the frame outside and tied a rope, which I had lowered down from my bedroom, to it. Back inside I went. This was going to be easy!

Once in my bedroom I started to pull up the frame. I got it to the window and with some difficulty got it oriented in the proper position to find out that the window opening was about an inch and a half too small. Realizing that this was futile I then lowered the frame back down.

Back in the house came the frame for another try at getting it up the stairs. This time with help from Jules. After putting a sufficient number of gouges in the walls and ceiling I was pretty sure that the frame just would not fit.

I can't begin to express in words how frustrating this was. To make matters worse #1 was getting some sort of sick pleasure out of the fact that her sisters might not get their bunk bed. Jealous much?

Surely If I took out the frame of my bedroom window the frame would fit. I took out a tape measure and determined that I would need 56" to get in the window. I then measured the window and determined that I would have about 57" without the frame. It was on! It was hammer time!

After about half an hour I had the window frame out and was ready to haul that bastard in the house. I pulled it up to the window and again was just shy of making it in. I was short about half an inch. This is not fair! I was not prepared to remove any more of the window frame, so down went the bed frame and I went back to work reinstalling the window.

Back to the stairs.

There was a beat up newel post at the bottom that seemed to be hanging us up. Jules suggested that I saw the top off. I didn't really want to do anything that drastic but I became more and more convinced with every failed attempt and each new gouge in the wall.

The newel post was removed. IT STILL DIDN"T FIT.

Now it was all or nothing time. Next I took off the plywood siding that had been put on each side of the banister. We didn't even know that there was a banister under the plywood. Then the hand rail and the banisters themselves. At this point the frame finally allowed itself to be brought upstairs. Ha Ha Ha! You asshole frame! Oh yeah, and while I'm at it, take that #1!.

I then had to clean up the ungodly mess I'd created. I actually liked the look of the banisters so we will probably just go with those once I start the recovery project and forgo the plywood siding. I moved the parts to the basement and cleaned up all the bits of debris that were scattered everywhere.

Finally, step one is finished.

Step Two: Removing the old Beds from the Bedroom

Since step one took about 5 hours and the kids were asleep in bed by this point. Step two would have to wait until the next day.

Why do the simplest things have to be so complicated?

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