Bathroom Accident or Shit Wash

Yesterday our oldest daughter, 'Number 1' was sitting on the toilet taking care of business, and by business I mean bad business, good ole number two. Anyway, while she was doing her work she was playing with a bottle of nail polish that she'd got in her stocking for Christmas.

I was downstairs putting the dishes in the dishwasher when I heard our middle daughter, 'Number 2' yell, "'Number 1', dropped her nail polish in the toilet!"

The first thought through my head was, "I ain't getting it."

So I yelled back, "Then she is going to have to reach in and get it out." Which she did.

Now that in itself makes for a fairly funny story and I figured the story was over. But No.

Fast forward about 3 hours.

The kids and I are getting ready to go for a swim at the hotel where my parents are staying. We're all in the bathroom. I'm brushing my teeth and 'Number 1' is recounting her ordeal from earlier in the day and 'Jules' is having a nap in our bedroom across the hall.

While I brush my teeth I noticed that there was a facecloth folded neatly in half on the edge of the sink. This is the cloth that 'Jules' uses to wash her face. I must have picked it up or something because 'Number 1' noticed it and it triggered her to elaborate on how exactly she took the nail polish out of the soiled toilet bowl.

She proceeded to tell me how she wrapped the face cloth around her hand and wrist and picked up the polish, thus eliminating the possibility of any direct poo to hand contact. I immediately became concerned and asked, "This face cloth?"

She confirmed that, yes, it was the very face cloth sitting in front of me. I told her that it had to go into the laundry because it was too dirty to use now. She tried to reassure me by saying that she cleaned the cloth afterwards. I told her that it was not clean enough and that we had to put it with the laundry because we didn't want Mom to use it to wash her face. 'Number 1' laughed out, "She did wash her face with it."

This is the point when "Jules" piped up from the bedroom. I'm not exactly sure what she said but the jist of it was that she did in fact use the "cloth of poo" to wash her face and she wasn't very happy about it. I don't know if 'Jules' knew about the poo cloth already or if she just found out from listening to our conversation. What I can say for sure is that 'Number 1' was very unsympathetic and I would dare say she was enjoying her little unintentional practical joke.

Meanwhile, I was brushing my teeth, gagging and trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

As if things weren't sickeningly hilarious enough 'Number 1' blurts out, "It was Diarrhea!!!"