Friday, November 17, 2006

Please Help Me, I'm Falling!

There is nothing more unnerving than going about your normal everyday business and all of a sudden finding yourself lying on the ground. This week Jules fainted. I missed it because I was in bed at the time but, as I understand it, it was a good one. This got me to reminiscing about all the good times I've had fainting over the years.

Timber! (1992): One night a few of us went over to my girlfriends brothers house. We were hanging out smoking weed when I started to feel sick. I got really hot and needed to get some fresh air. I moved over to one of the windows that were open. There was no screen or anything so I was able to lean right out the window. The next thing I knew I was lying on the floor and everyone was freaking out. Apparently I'd fainted while leaning out the window and toppled straight back like a falling tree smacking my head on the floor. After this I guess I started convulsing and my eyes were rolled back into my head. I guess that would be why everyone was freaking out. What a buzz-kill!

The Door Stop (1992): One night I was leaving my girlfriends house. I was minding my own business, locking the deadbolt and the next thing I knew I was experiencing a sharp pain in my back. Then I realized that I was lying down. Then I noticed that I was outside and the screen door was half-closed on me. I had absolutely no idea how long I'd been there, it could have been hours for all I knew. I picked myself up, dusted myself off and hopped into my car and headed home.

Toilet Buster (1993): This one happened one night after smoking a bunch of hash. We'd just finished a session and I was sitting down watching COPS. This particular episode was extra graphic and started to make me feel nauseous. I sat there silently fighting the urge to puke. Then the sweats started to kick in. I headed up to the bathroom to hurl. I was squatted down in front of the toilet getting ready to spew when I awoke on the floor with people standing around me. I looked around and noticed that the lid to the toilet tank was broken into a number of pieces. Apparently when I fainted I sprang forward from my squatting position and broke the lid with my head. A couple of cigarettes while I laid on the floor and I was good as new.

Secret Faint (1993/94): Again I was smoking weed or hash over at a friends house. We were playing video games. I was feeling just fine. I had to go pee so up I got and headed to the bathroom. I was doing my business when all of a sudden I woke up on the floor. I don't remember feeling like I was going to faint but luckily it seems I finished my work and did up my pants before going down. I picked myself up and headed back to the living room and sat down in my spot as if nothing had happened. After about five minutes I announced, "I passed out for a bit while I was in the bathroom." At which point everyone mentioned that I WAS gone for quite a long time.

Bedtime Faint (2004): My most recent episode. One night Jules and I had just headed upstairs to go to bed. Jules did her night time bathroom ritual and went to the bedroom and I was just going to go pee. I started to feel light-headed and knew I might faint. I was right. I came to next to the toilet. Apparently I was doing a little twitching while I laid there. Anyway I picked myself up and headed off to bed.

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