Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Get That Cat Out Of Here. Right Meow!

We have no pets at our house. It's not that we don't want any pets. We are renters and our rental agreement clearly states, "NO PETS ALLOWED".

So for the last 5 years we have been dealing with the kids constantly asking for a cat or a dog or both. The reply is always the same. "No. We aren't allowed to have pets here."

We tried to have hamsters a few years ago (may they rest in peace) but that didn't work out so well. It turns out that we weren't even supposed to have hamsters! When Mrs. Landlord found out about them she brought up the rule of "NO PETS ALLOWED" and informed us that we would have to get rid of them. What?! These are hamsters, not pets. I didn't know hamsters counted as pets. I always thought that they fell into the same category as goldfish or turtles. Anyway, the kids managed to resolve that problem for us. Within the month, the hamsters had been "taken care of" (God have mercy on their souls).

It is a well known fact in our household that pets will not be joining our family until we move to a place that doesn't discriminate against the four-legged. We know this and the kids know it. That's what makes yesterdays drama so unnecessary.

Yesterday when '#1' and '#2' were walking home from school they were followed by a cat. I'm sure the girls didn't lure the cat by picking it up or saying, "Here kitty kitty kitty!" or anything like that. Anyway, they brought someones cat home with them. What a great surprise for '#3'. She loves cats!

The first order of business was to feed the cat. Always a great way to get a cat to go back home! For some reason '#1' believes that there is nothing a cat like to eat more than sliced luncheon meats. If there is a cat in the yard the first thing she does is run to the fridge and grab a piece of bologna. I think she believes that bologna is actually a cats natural prey. I can already picture the nature documentary. "Here we have the wild cat of North America sneaking up on an unsuspecting slice of bologna as it nurses it's young." Yesterday we had no bologna so the poor cat had to settle for a slice of salami.

At some point Jules went outside and told them to leave the cat alone so it could go back home. For some unexplainable reason, they thought that they were going to keep the cat. There are two major flaws with this plan:
  1. You can't just steal someones cat! That's stealing! You don't just steal someones cat! That's like stealing someones baby!
  2. Everybody knows that at our house there are "NO PETS ALLOWED".
The kids were having trouble computing this data.

They made a lame, half-assed attempt of let the cat go home. I don't know how any cat could possibly leave when every 5 seconds someone is picking it up. Personally, if I were the cat, I'd be running for my life! But apparently this one enjoys a good mauling.

Jules then made the kids come in the house hoping the cat would leave on it's own. However, the stupid cat just sat outside the door meowing at the top of it's little kitty voice.

Finally a neighbor, who is some kind of local animal crusader, came by and offered to return the cat to it's owner. Thank you neighbor! Finally, the cat was removed from the scene.

Time to queue the melt down.

'#3' went upstairs to her room and started wailing uncontrollably over the loss of her cat. You'd have thought that we'd had the cat for years and it had died.

Meanwhile, '#1' had a cry in her chair. Hello!! Are you new here? This kid is 9 years old. I can understand the 4 year old not wrapping her head around the politics of "NO PETS ALLOWED" but '#1' should have this stuff figured out by now. After all she's been told every day for the last 5 years.

So now I don't think we should ever have a cat near our house again. Cats just seem to have an adverse affect on the kids ability to think clearly. Wait a second they don't need a cat for that.!

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